Ethel and Officer Merde
Back in the early seventies, my French wife Jos and I spent our honeymoon working in a street market not far from St Tropez. In those days our prized possession was a battered and dirty old grey Austin minivan called Ethel (named after a battered and dirty old grey aunt of mine). One balmy Mediterranean evening we drove Ethel [...]
Read MoreLeft hand Lenny
“I thought you said you knew how to drive,” said Auntie Edith tartly, clutching the leather handbag containing all her money tightly to her chest. “A right pickle you’ve landed us in now!” Devoted as he was to his wife of 35 years standing, Lenny detested that superior air of hers. “Gawd, give me strength,” he [...]
Read MoreThe Finest Sparkplug Cleaner in the Land
When I was a lad we had an old ‘sit up and beg’ Ford called "Tinribs". She was a deep, shiny, rich black colour with some tan-brown patches, which put you in mind of a Doberman dog. In addition to the metal strips, from whence her name derived and which adorned the sides of her bonnet, she had leather seats filled with horse-hair [...]
Read MoreBonjour Starbucks, Adieu la France
A decade ago the neighbourhood bistros that were an integral part of French life were one by one bought out by McDonalds as the country entered the fast-food age. McDo, as we call the chain over here in France, was quickly followed by several others and now your average Frenchman under 25 doesn’t know the [...]
Read MoreShaving Accounts
“Oi Dad!”, I yelled in the cemetery to wake him up from his 30-year slumber, “do you remember that little brown earthenware pot and shaving stick you used to use?” “Bloody hell son, what is it now?” “As I recall, you used to say ‘Son, keep your chin clean and your socks dry’ after you’d [...]
Read MoreAngel Lust
My short story is a semi-finalist in the 25th Writemovies writing contest. Suitable material for a low budget B movie. Adam is besotted with Angel. All goes well until she takes to wearing a pink knitted top very similar to the one that Adam’s grandmother had on the day she died… UPDATE: The story is [...]
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